reunion?
haha. 4 million smiles. Impossible. As in "IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!". lah. Only people with really no life will do that. Just because someone say so doesn't mean we have to do. Authority must not and will not be abused. We will not smile. At least not for that kind of stupid reason. Smiling must be natural. Stretching our faces forcibly into plastic asinine slit-eyed hypocritical masks, for them, is, in all fairness, uhh... lame?
4D reunion yesterday. Hah, some reunion. Summary: cold fishballs, bridge, more bridging, videos of us and some unfortunate teachers, video of zz arm-wrestling desmond, video of an ass arm-wrestling terence, food, more food, even more food, drinks, more drinks, one tennis ball, a lot of fun (sorry zhen yi), bridge (again), slapjack, youtube, slack, ONE chilli bomb (dunno what flavour), cleaning up, mahjong in canteen, pool, a few impossible shots made possible by yours truly, even more impossible shots by zz. hah
she is the prom queen, and i'm not even in the marching band...
-rray
remember [10:32 PM]
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Sigh... another boring day
Seriously man, one day, all we're going to think about is death. Not whether we'll die or not, immortality is a load of crap. But when, how and for whom... when are we to die, young or old, how we are to die, natural causes? For whom are we going to die for...
Death comes to all. No use running away, might as well face it. Face death like a man. Not that i'll be dying soon, i don't know, no one knows. But I can't possibly live each day as if it's the last, neither can i assume i have all the time in the world... Gahhh! How is one to live his life? Sometimes i really think death is a solution, to boredom, to insecurity, to disappointment. A person without worries is either a child or a corpse. Or maybe a retard.
I've started dreaming aftera hiatus of like 2 years. Is this a sign of residual consciousness due to overexertion of thought or is it that i've been thinking to little nowadays, thats why my mind continues in my slumber. Must consult Freud on that.
Question: How do we know that we want to know what we know? Do we merely accept that we want to know something just because we have already found out, and neglect to remember what we actually set out to find out? Or do we actively retain our childlike curiosity? Like the fox in an Aesop fable, do we not want to know something just because we cannot find out why? Are we all alike in pursuing answers? Don't tell me what i don't want to know, don't want to know what I don't want to know. Do I actually know what is it that I don't want to know, if so, Do I not already know?
Look into my eyes... you are getting sleepy... do not resist... slumber..........forget her.... no longer in your life... in your scope of existence... gone... when I snap my fingers, awaken to a new world....
*snap!*
when someone gives you that kind of sardonic look when you meet, you'd be better off forgetting.
-rray
remember [11:47 PM]
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confession
ok ok, sry zz, i didn't mean to, but i did. I uhh... fabricated a few* posts...
No harm, just trying to psycho you to "come out and play". Didn't work though. And I know why... your only two interest in life are pool and agnes, and what to wear when attending to them...
went shopping yesterday, don't want to say anything. Shopping basically just walk around, buy stuff and regret when adrenalin wears off...
bored...
-rray
remember [12:07 AM]
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Don't be Stupid
Aroused from comatose at 9 today... a personal record. Never been still asleep after 8 before.
Well, there's a first time for everything. Records are meant to be broken, at least, attempted to be broken. A lot like our fragile hearts. Most are in fragments or have been 'glued' back together. Only a blessed few possess complete, pure hearts, untainted by the horrors and evils of life. The ignorant few.
I'm not cut out to be a crystal grower, I know that by now... luckily I have a team,ate who I can depend on. Yes, talking bout you XL, feel honoured? Left school at around 4.30pm after an apparent 'distress' call from Mingyi. Reached Starbucks and surprise, suprise, who do I see but Mr ABC (that stands for 'A Bit Crappy') himself, sitting beside I shan't say who.
Mission Objective for today: Mr ABC must know Born-Haber cycle and Binomial by the end. As to that, I'm not sure I've succeeded, at all. Mr ABC is not a terribly bright student when it comes to academic stuff, but he sure can crap. We spent like the whole time NATO-ing (No Action, Talk Only), me gaining a new nickname (Mr FOC, depending on situation can be "Free of charge" or "Full of Crap" ), us knowing about coffee more than we'll ever require to, if we don't eventually work at starbucks, that is, special thanks to a friendly I-dunno-his-name. Oh yeah, during half-time, we went to floor 3, to lounge around, checked U admissions (not me) fooled around with the photocopier (the auntie-in-charge went out for lunch) and had our 'instant potraits' albeit that of 'terror' with eyes squeezed shut, taken. Background was, quite naturally, black. T'was almost like a ghost image, only, I know that's me.
A term came up in our conversation, A.Q. Adversity Quotient. The only A.Q. I now is application question... basically that measures how well someone reacts to problems. And somehow, her name cropped up. I guess I know running away is not solving anything most of the time, but here, it actually is. That's not because my A.Q. is negative, that's the easiest, most painless way out. One must know the problem of 'wants' versus 'not-haves'. Sometimes, what you 'want' is something you can 'not-have'. When that time comes, one must make a heart-rending decision... to continue or quit. I chose, "Alt-F4"...
One must be forever forward-looking, the future is where our future lies, not in the past. Mrs FOC!! where art thou?
-rray
remember [10:04 PM]
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Roller.Blade.Pain
Yes!! It's yesterday's tomorrow!! Two words : rollerblade. No wait, that's only one word. Ok, the other word : casualty...
On a lighter tone, See Kiat came for frisbee today! First time... And I think I know why. Because of a certain somebody there... Don't want to be to obvious. I think that somebody's a female. Oh no, am I revealing too much? Hope I'm not implying the wrong things. HOPE not... Woah, talk about object of one's desire.
K then went for lunch at BK. Had too much fries, had to resort to stupid games like " Scissors, Paper, Stone" and forgot what to clear the fries through forfeit. XL really down on his luck today, lost too much, hope he doesn't have indigestion now. OK, I admit, me and Johnnie cheated a little. But, not enough to land him in such a state. It was really his luck, I swear.
After that which we (Rachel, XL, JunMing) (and me) returned to school. Played cards, and Mahjong, in school canteen. Kinda surreal isn't it? Never expected to play Mahjong in school. And with mini tiles. And with people around. Lubin came, and we set off to ECP. Ran into this shop assistant (rather uncouth) who offered us 3 hrs for price of one. As normal people, naturally we accepted.
Now, one must understand that only through falling can one ever hope to learn to blade. No pain, no gain, no fun. It is completely imperative that falls take place. Right? Right? OK, I fell. Not because I can't blade (to a certain extent, this reflects my incompetence), but its because there happened to be a few pest( by the name of mao and johnnie) who buzzed me into succumbing to gravity. Then realized I was bleeding (suprise suprise), and I laughed, loud. That's because I believe that when I am in pain, laughing is the only thing i can do to relieve pain. Worked... sorta. Went to public toilet to wash my scrapped knee. Came out of toilet and saw that i had to navigate down a ramp. Went for it. Gathered speed. Wind brushing my hair, strong breeze in face, then saw a bike. . . The only thing I could do, *try* to swerve. Tried to. Failed terribly. Scrapped my elbow. Pissed off and Bloody. Gave up trying to wash my wounds. At least didn't hit that guy on bike. Uhhh... I think not. Too dazed to notice.
Other Mishaps:
- Johnathan and Mao Lin decided to tag along.
- Rachel tried to blade between Lubin's legs. Then, Nobody fell I think.
- One of the wheels on Jun Ming's left (or was it right?) blade uhh.. popped out.
- Me fell down again while trying to blade backwards.
- Rachel's went off before us.
At that moment, a dust particle landed in my eye. And I started tearing, giving the misconception that i was very dejected when Rachel left ( I was a little, I admit). Funny how things turn out different in movies, where people will insist that "dust in my eye" when they're really crying. Reality, reality thou art unfathomable.
Had to control my gait so that I'll not hobble. Kept a happy exterior. Must not show weakness.
My god, when i heard pain-killers, I didn't think pain could kill. Now, my opinion has altered considerably. Get well soon thy knees and elbows... Now me physical self hurts more than me heart...
-rray
remember [10:13 PM]
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Today's Yesterday, yesterday's today
Feel like crapping today... maybe i shouldn't
Yesterday, yesterday... one should never live in the past. But the past is so rich, full of details, unlike the bleak, vague, sketchy future, so lets talk about yesterday. Friday, zz, evan and i went shopping, ostensibly for new shoes, new bag, new clothes. All for a wedding, i think. That zz, so secretive... oh wait, i didn't ask him. Somehow, i think that's for a date. A date with... Enough side-tracking, things is, we went for 2 hours of pool instead ( i lost, all of them, needless to say), the actual buying took place only at 7.17pm. I'm quite sure of the time, my mum called. To think we met up at around 1pm. 6 hours, wasted, just like that. Life is transient.
Don't know why, suddenly remembered something bout yesterday's yesterday. Yoshinoya. Lubin was strangely (not sure, maybe she's like this all the time) decided that the "auntie" there had something against her. She compared everything, from bowl size to chopsticks to the potato slice thingee. Mind you, i upsized me meal, shouldn't come as a suprise my bowl is bigger, my drink is larger. In fact, i would have complained if they weren't. Maybe it all started from the weird "sprite" she received, i think its dishwashing liquid, i don't know, i didn't taste.
So, now yx can bike... forgive me but "big deal!". Sorry. Just had to. *ahem, congrats. Well, everything comes at a price, she bowled a rollerblader over, knocked a tooth loose, cracked a skull, broke her shin, dislocated a shoulder, broke spectacles, was cut by the fragments, I'm lying. All but the part about coliding with the blader is true.
I think i'm lying to myself, if I've given up, why do I have now an inexplicable urge to go Starbucks on Monday?
-rray
remember [11:31 PM]
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Tired...
Unexpectedly fruitful day... well, sort off.
Reached school damn early today (around 8), to check on crystals. And got shock of my life. I fully intended to identify a few seed crystals today, those with potential to "blossom" in to beautiful, well defined crystals that'll bag the competition, but, suprise suprise, had 2 petri full of small, almost minute ones, barely 1 mm across... another slightly better, larger crystals, bout 5mm, but shapes are not cubic, they're flat!! Then, one last dish, the one with less saturated solution... had three humongous crystals... bout 15 to 20mm. But the surface very rough, not exactly something you'd use for a competition.
Misadventures aside, had PW meeting later, in school, supposedly at 10.30am. But 2 members were (tsk tsk) late. So, went to stationary bike for bout 10 min, covered 2.0 Km i think, not sure if its mile or kilometre...
OK, so the rest finally arrived, and i was unaware of what they discussed, cos i slacked off. There was a buffet for a bunch of sec school students (lucky bastards), so we shifted to a classroom. Where i fooled around, you know, the usual, lame jokes and stuff. One of these days i'll be more involved in the discussion, but still, what's a guy to do in a group where he's the odd one out? It's obvious right, I'm the only male!!!
Finished survey and interview questions by 12.30 despite starting late. Largely thanks to Lubin and Ruth and Ying Xian... then went Parkway to check out refrigerators, cool huh? Harvey Normans and Best, where we (did i say we? i meant them) ask salespeople about how seelable the dispenser fridges were, after much deliberation and time spent on checking out new features. ( LG has a TV refrigerator!!! Eat that dudes) Verdict? sales people are a ununited lot, Harvey's says the market is small, Best's told us 50-50 and suggested we check the Internet...
And i thought they knew what they were selling.
Had lunch @ Yoshinoya... after Ruth left us for home, i think. T'was raining, hence our plan to go blade at ECP had to be postponed. Drifted round Parkway, saw Chor Min and a bunch of TJ people... She soiled her Bday prez, haiz, gotta be more careful with those stuff, bags are exposed to the unpredictables more often then we think possible. Rain ceased, but that old guy at rental shop refused to rent us blades... cycled instead. Rather transient, rain picked up not soon after, forced to stop. Pity, yx not gotten hang of cycling. Looking forward to Mon's blading session... it'd better not rain then.
Found shelter in Macafe, found yx Dad waiting, found a place to sit down, found out that i could crap under almost any circumstances. Talked 'bout our previous school lives and here are the *ahem, "research" findings:
- Me used to play hide-n-seek with P1 Chi teacher (that old hag, slowpoke)
- Rachel went St Anthony Pri
- Someone had a bald teacher sometime in her life, Chemo
- Me used to catch frogs in morn in P2, morn session, then throw at girls
- Rachel used to chase after unfortunate souls with a broomstick
- She dragged Simon into girls loo in Sec 1, now that domination
- Yx's classrooms always been near toilets, how interesting
Rushed back for GP tuition...
Was already quite worn, but endured, giving occasional comments. Today's topic: Education
It seems, after that tuition lesson, to me that today's Education system is an anachronism... especially the seating arrangements and bells. Education is what enriches a person's life, but how would that materialise if all education does is to equip skills for an industrial life? How is life enriched if all education does is to prepare us for a monotonous, robotic industrial life that is going to be obselescent before we even come of age? According to Alvin Toffler, we should be preparing for a super-industrial age, where anticipatory information is essential, where information about future must be had. We cannot forever dwell in a "factory", controled by bell rings, rigidly fixed and required to remain in our seats. To enrich lifes, education must let us dream, let us aspire, let us pursue our ambitions. Nevermind if we fail, the process alone would be enough to mature us into characters with integrity, discern towards life's facts and lies, thats's enrichment.
Mass education is without discrimination right? Wrong. Racial, well maybe to a small extent friendly banter among classmates can turn slightly racist, but all that is taken in good will. What's more important is intellectual discrimination. This is largely evident in the steaming exercises which aim to segregate the weak from the better from the elite. Is this fairness? How can we be convinced that everybody gets the same amount of education? And how much is enough for us to get similar job opportunities, financial security? How much is enough for us to understand what our inherent rights are? Does education now provide us with equal opportunities in life, or are some of us more equal than the others?
When can we shift away from this factory based style of receiving our education? We are still fixed, glued down to seats in class which forces us to look in front, our lives still controlled by the bell, us forever waiting with bated breaths, forever anticipating the bell, to signal the end of periods after boring periods. Sure, we sleep in classes, we refuse to line up in straight lines, we "heck care" the bell, but is this enough, enough for us to be educated sufficiently sbout the future to survive in a super-industry while being able to enjoy what we love? That is the question.
No matter how much schools try to alter their image to conceal what they are, factories producing stupified people for menial jobs, beneath the facade It's The End... in a system where we are to be manipulated according to the upper echelon's wish for a "better tomorrow" and not our's for a life we can call our own, can we, be more than just "living anachronisms"?
Yay!.. finally geting to blade again... dun let it rain on Mon, pls? pretty pls? hope i dun fall..
remember [11:20 PM]
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